I Didn't Inherit Healing, I Had to Create It

Addiction lived in my home — in my parents, in my Sibling, and in m y family.  It Shaped the air I breath, the way I learned to love, trust and protect myself. But even in the darkest moments, I never stopped loving them. I never judged them. Because I understood something most people overlook: addiction doesn’t make someone unlovable. It doesn’t make them weak.  I knew addiction doesn’t make someone bad. It makes them human It can happen to anyone. I was too young to see their pain. Or how trauma can twist itself into every corner of a person’s life. I knew they weren’t trying to hurt me; they were trying to escape their own hurt. I had to make a choice: stay stuck in this life I was born into or build something new. I chose to create healing. I wanted to show them you have a choice to make in life, even though you been through so much you can choose to be a better you. 

The truth is I had to learn that it’s easy to judge someone for their addiction when you’ve never lived inside their mind. It’s easy to say “they chose that life” when you don’t know what trauma they were trying to escape. Addiction isn’t weakness. It’s pain that’s been left untreated for too long. It’s a coping mechanism that turns into a prison. And unless you’ve felt that kind of desperation, you don’t get to decide someone’s worth. I saw that pain up close. I saw how it broke the people I loved. And instead of turning bitter, I chose to understand. I chose to empathy. Because judgment doesn’t heal — love does. People see the symptoms the chaos, the lies, the broken promises but they don’t see the reason behind it. They don't see the childhood trauma, the mental battles, the shame that builds like a wall, the feeling of being trapped in your own body. I’ve learned that the people who struggle the most often love the deepest. I will never shame my parents or my sister for their addiction. I will never use their pain as a weapon or a sob story. I will honor their humanity, even when their choices hurt. Because I know what it’s like to live with pain. And I know that love not judgment is what breaks the cycle.

Becoming me I had to make many sacrifices. I quit school at 15 and started working. Not because I didn't care or I didn't like school.  Because I had no other choice I couldn't depend on anyone. Life didn't wait for me to be ready. While other teens were going to football games, parties, and living carefree lives, I was clocking in. I worked every chance I got, saving every dollar I could. I wasn’t like the other kids I had to grow up quicker. I saved up and bought myself a car. I got my own place. I didn’t wait for someone to rescue me I became my own rescue.  I always though once I get a head in life I can help my parents. I always knew that faith and hope would take me far in life. I had anger for a long time which caused me depression and trauma, but the older I got I had to learn to heal.  

Later in life, everything began to change.  I became a mother and got married and that moment changed me. The day I gave birth to my first child I felt something I had never known before: the fierce, unconditional love that I had always craved. I wasn’t just surviving anymore. I was responsible for a life, and I wanted to give my children something different. Something better. Being a mother gave me purpose.  And after having my three beautiful children, I got the chance to go back to school. I knew I was going to be hard with having small children, working and being a wife. Going back to school wasn’t just about education. It was about reclaiming the parts of me that had been put on hold. It was about showing my kids that no matter where you come from, no matter what you’ve been through, you can rise. You can grow. You can become.