“They Smile, But It’s All About Them”

Some people smile like it’s their favorite accessory. They speak in kindness, dress in good intentions, and present themselves as thoughtful souls. But spend enough time with them, and you start to see who they really are. The kindness? It’s a performance—because beneath it all, it’s about them. Their ego. Their image. Their benefit. This blog isn’t about calling anyone out—it’s about calling it what it is. If you’ve ever felt confused, drained, or taken advantage of by someone who seemed “so nice,” this piece is for you.

Sometimes, the people who seem the nicest on the surface aren’t as kind as they appear. It could be your family, your coworkers, your friends—anyone, really. They smile, offer help, and say the right things, but deep down, their actions always seem to circle back to themselves. This blog is about recognizing those patterns, trusting your gut, and protecting your peace. There are people who lean in when you speak—not because they want to support you, but because they want something to talk about later. They ask how you're doing, but the moment you open up, it feels less like empathy and more like an interview. It's not that they care—it’s that they’re curious. They want the details, not to help, but to hold them. Sometimes to feel better about their own life. Or perfect than yours. Which in reality no one's life is perfect. 

They’ll nod when you speak. They’ll say, “I’m here for you,” or “that must be so hard.” And for a moment, it feels safe. But then the cracks show. A backhanded comment. A joke that hits too personal. An eyeroll when you share something vulnerable. You start to realize they’re not really listening to understand—they’re listening to check a box. It could be anyone. A friend who acts supportive but disappears when you need them. A coworker who listens to your struggles, then repeats your words when you’re not around. A boss who says “I care about my team” but proves otherwise in every decision they make. They ask how you are—but only to know what’s wrong. They offer advice—but only when it makes them look wise. They pretend to care—but somehow, it always circles back to them. 

Not everyone realizes the impact of their words. A simple comment, a casual slang term, or a joke thrown too lightly—sometimes they hit harder than expected. You might brush it off in front of them, but inside, you feel it. The sting. The weight. That quiet moment of asking yourself, “Was that really necessary?” People don’t always mean to be cruel, but careless words still carry weight. When someone speaks without thinking about how their tone or language lands, it can make others feel small—even when that was never the goal. And some do it knowingly. Some hide their digs behind humor. Slang becomes shade. Jokes become jabs.

Some people work in careers meant to help others—nurses, therapists, teachers, even leaders—but that doesn't mean they care. A job title doesn't make someone kind. It's what they do when there's no applause that shows their real heart. So, protect your peace. Notice who drains you. Notice who only shows up when there’s something to take. You don’t need to explain your boundaries. You don’t need to keep giving someone the benefit of the doubt just because they’re “nice.” Because sometimes, nice isn’t the same as good. Just because someone goes to church, quotes scripture, or talks about God doesn’t mean their heart is clean. If their actions are rooted in selfishness, judgment, or exclusion, all that religious talk rings hollow. You can’t claim grace while living with a hard heart. Faith should humble you, not give you permission to look down on others.

At the end of the day, kindness isn’t a performance—it’s a practice. It shows up in how you treat people when there’s nothing to gain, no spotlight to bask in, and no one around to applaud. You can wear the uniform, speak the language of care, even hold a title built on service—but if your heart only beats for your own benefit, that’s not goodness. That’s selfishness with a smile.

Speak Your Truth, Then Step Back You don’t have to yell. You don’t have to argue. You don’t even have to explain every time someone crosses a line. Your peace doesn’t need permission. Speak up if it feels right—but know that walking away quietly can be just as powerful. Protecting yourself from repeat harm is growth. And some people will never understand how heavy their words are… until you no longer carry them.

📖 Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”